8 Ways to Make Your Oldest Feel Included
New babies are a joy for the whole family, until your older child(ren) start to feel down because it seems that the new baby is getting more love and attention from Mom and Dad. How can combat this and strengthen their sibling bond instead of a full on sibling rivalry ensuing? Well, with a little bit of time and patience your child might befriend that sweet bundle instead of being full of envy.
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My children are the best of friends despite the fact that one is 3-years-old and the other is 5-months-old. While I was pregnant my oldest didn't quite understand that she had a little sister in my belly and she was used to my constant attention, it made me pretty weary of the outcome when she realised that she was going to have to share the attention with a new baby. All my fears were put to rest the day that Belle was delivered, Val fell instantly in love with her sweet Baby Belle. Daddy and I work hard to balance the attention between both growing children, sometimes it can't be helped that the baby requires more attention and older kids grow envious, but both kids laugh, play, and love with each other. The bond they have will continue to grow and I don't think a single thing will destroy that. With all that being said here are the 8 steps we do to help our oldest feel included with the new baby and to help strengthen their sisterly bond.
1. Read together Buy a picture or age-appropriate books about new siblings. Reading is one of the most beneficial hobbies and a great gateway for education, why not use it to teach your child about their new addition to the family. You can make a bigger impact by reading the book together. When Belle was born we gifted her the Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood books called "Baby Is Here!" and "Big Brother Daniel", we also watched the corresponding episodes that the books follow.
2. Allow your child to help with the baby Let your child bond with the new baby by letting them help with baby duties. If your child wants to help change the baby's diaper then let them open the diaper or hand you the wipes. If you are bottle feeding then let them bottle feed with your assistance, if they are interested in assisting you then allow them to help.
3. Set a small amount of time aside Babies take up a lot of time but you should set some time aside for the big kid(s). While the baby is napping set some time aside for a bit of playing or watch a movie, whatever your child is interested in doing. They just want your attention all to themselves. The dishes can wait another 10 minutes, I promise!
4. Daddy's Turn Speaking of setting time aside, maybe give dad a chance to bond with the baby so you can spend some time with the big kid. Trade off and allow each kid to have equal time with a parent alone. Usually, at night Nick takes the baby and I take my big girl off to bed, she loves snuggles from Momma. Taking up the offer of getting baby off your hands for a hot moment isn't a bad thing.
5. Play Together When the baby is old enough teach your oldest about how to play carefully with the baby. Have them make funny faces to their little sibling or shake a rattle. My kids play a lot together, usually with a lot of "gentle, play easy", and both are always delighted. It has been a great way to tire each other out since my baby girl has turned into an active 5-month-old and my three years old occasionally takes naps.
6. Play Dates Do you have a mommy friend with multiples? Do a play date! Let your kids see how their friends get along with their own siblings. You get some social time, the big kid gets some social time, and baby gets attention from someone other than you. I find that to be a win all the way around and I spring at every chance I get to do this with my Mommy friends.
7. Pretend If you have a toddler then 9 times out of 10 they are going to pretend to be a baby again. Mine has started doing it and I don't fully run with it but I do allow her to play pretend sometimes. If your toddler wants to take a bite of baby food, let them take a taste and cheer just like you do with the baby. I usually offer a "big girl" food after she discovers that the bite of mush peas is not as good as her dinner side of peas. Although she is very independent I know that she just wants the same attention as her little sister.
8. Buy For Baby Who best to pick out a new toy or an adorable outfit than your big kid? Everybody feels tickled inside when they see their gift being used and the same feeling goes with your kids. Every toy that my big girl has picked out has been my little one's favorite. When you are shopping for clothes ask your big kid which outfit they like the best or let them pick out a toy for them to give to the baby, it will fill their hearts with joy when they see their sibling with the gift.
