Postpartum Depression: You Are Not Alone
After nine months of anxiously waiting for your sweet bundle of joy to come, you finally get to meet them. After hours of work to bring them into the world you look down to see your sweet little bundles of perfection, with their glossy wide eyes looking at you with such wonder and their petite hands wrap perfectly around your finger. Let's not forget about those tiny feet or those thigh rolls, can't deny that babies make chunky look good. All of this seems like a dream come true right? Just as fast as that dream comes, it quickly turns into a freaking inescapable nightmare as your bundle of "joy" screams at the top of their lungs for hours on end with no intent on stopping anytime soon and you start to feel this uncontrollable wave of helplessness and utter despair.
Seem a bit real to you? I know for me it is. This has been my life for the past four months and I don't foresee it coming to an end anytime in the near future. The nonstop crying isn't even anything new to me either since I went through four days of it when my oldest was born in 2014. When my oldest was born she wasn't breathing and had my umbilical cord wrapped around her neck, this was quickly taken care of and by the time I was taken up to my room in the hospital, everything was fine. Things did not stay fine though, as night drew close Val started wailing like a banshee. Being a first-time mom I couldn't understand why she was inconsolable and to make matters worst she refused to eat. I tried my hand at breastfeeding, but she absolutely refused to accept my breast milk even if I pumped. I was heartbroken, to say the least. The nurses refused to let me try formula after many failed attempts with the lactation consultants to get Val to take my milk, told me that I needed to try harder and their words crushed my soul. They blamed me for my daughters nonstop crying and my daughter's refusal to breastfeed. My requests were finally met on the last day of my hospitalization, the nurses allowed me to give Val a bottle which she only at about a half an ounce. Thankfully that half an ounce was deemed good enough for the hospital to send my daughter home with me, after much consideration of send her to the neighboring children's hospital to be admitted into the NICU. I reluctantly went home with my fiance and daughter, wishing I didn't have to. I slugged my zero sleeping self through the door of my apartment, the feeling of dread overcame me and I remember feeling completely worthless, My fiance and I thought we were going to have these issues for the rest of our lives, that there was going to be no end to our suffering. Luckily Val dropped all of her problems soon after the night we came home, not sure why honestly but we did not care to know why. We were just glad it was over.
My first round of postpartum depression quickly went away once getting home with Val, she turned out to be the easiest going child I have ever met, I hoped that despite the hospital stay being hectic that Belle would be the same experience. I wanted her to sleep, be easy going, smile a lot, and enjoy the family; this is not what I got. What I have ended up with is a colic infant that has to be held by me personally and nurse all day every day. I love my daughters from the bottom of my heart, but I spend a lot of days hating myself and my life. When Belle first started showing signs of colic I started to resent her, I even wished that I wouldn't have gone through the pregnancy. I don't actually feel this way, but depression has a way of clouding your mind and altering your state of mind. I know I am not the only mother who feels like this after all my pediatrician told me that 1 in 10 mothers develop postpartum depression.
What is postpartum depression? Well according to National Institute of Mental Health it is "a mood disorder that can affect women after childbirth. Mothers with postpartum depression experience feelings of extreme sadness, anxiety, and exhaustion that may make it difficult for them to complete daily care activities for themselves or for others." (You can visit their website HERE ) The cause of postpartum depression is still unknown, but with all the physical and emotional stress of having a child it isn't surprising to develop some sort of depression. Plus I think hormones have a factor into it.
What are the signs of postpartum depression you may ask? Well there are many different symptoms of postpartum depression, but the common ones are:
Unexplained sadness
Crying Spells
Feeling Hopeless
Loss of Interest
Withdrawn from Family & Friends
Loss of appetite and/or sleep
Unexplained Mood Swings
Thoughts of Harming Yourself or the Baby
Attempts of Harming Yourself or the Baby
Feelings of Regret
Feeling like an Inadequate Mother
Fatigue
Difficulty to Bond with Your Baby
Anxiety
If you feel like you have any of these symptoms please seek help, you can contact your doctor or click HERE. Even if you are not sure on whether or not you have postpartum depression I still recommend talking to your doctor about the symptoms you have, better to be safe than sorry.
How do you cope with postpartum depression? My first run through with it I let it run its course. I unhealthily bottled all my feelings up inside and it worked for a while, but a bottle of shaken up pop can only handle the pressure for so long until it bursts. Postpartum depression needs to be treated by a healthcare professional. Only a doctor can diagnose you with postpartum depression since these symptoms are common in just about every other mental disorder and doctors are the only ones that can effectively treat your depression. Doctors can prescribe you the right kind of medicine to help diminish the depression and can get you enrolled to a proper councilor, tailored for your needs.
Who is at risk to develop postpartum depression? Anybody who gave birth can develop postpartum depression , even fathers can experience postpartum depression. Depression does not discriminate. Women that have experienced depression and anxiety, or antenatal depression (pregnancy depression) do have an increased chance to develop postpartum depression.
Just remember you are not alone and you don't have to feel ashamed for feeling this way, many women around the world experience (or have experienced) postpartum depression. Something I want you to remember is that postpartum depression is not some made up problem that women use to get attention or an excuse to cover up failure, you have no idea how much I hear this from some of my older family members. Postpartum is a common mood disorder that many women and men experience after having children (as I stated earlier that 1 in 10 women develop it), but its common occurrence does not take away from the severity of it as postpartum depression.
